he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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