TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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