I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
