I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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