Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
