I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
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The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
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Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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