Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm sobbing to NWA
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
