This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
