Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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