I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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