forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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