I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
