Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I touched a dick in church today
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
