Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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