Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
