my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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