yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
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