why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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