Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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