Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
