this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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