Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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