He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
