I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
