I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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