I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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