The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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