Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
