you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
