My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Never underestimate the power of titties
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