I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
