Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
