worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
