I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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