the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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