While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
