This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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