i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
