Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
