i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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