Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
