Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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