also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
