Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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