Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
