so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
