Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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