Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
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