It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
