if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
