i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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