it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
