I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
