Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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