omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
