i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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