I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
