you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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