New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
50% drunk capacity currently
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
