I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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