sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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