i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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