He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
