He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
