the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
