No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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