My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
