i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
