I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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