Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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