I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
