i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
