She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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