Little spoons don't ask big questions
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
