I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
