If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
