I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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