You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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