You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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