I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
