he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
