I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
