there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
